On off relationships never really gets the chance to move forward. Like a car trying to take a long trip, it never reaches it destination if the driver is always stopping off at a rest area. Unless the people involved in on off relationship are drama queens or drama queens , one person is responsible for hitting the brakes.
You may not even realize you are in an on off relationship, because many people in them have no idea. They think they are just in a relationship with someone that breaks up with them a lot. The truth is, they are in a dysfunctional on off relationship with someone who is manipulating them. Many times people, especially men, use on off relationships as a way to avoid commitment by bouncing back and forth between romantic partners. When they tired of one, or upset because they are called out on their nonsense, they often bail and run to someone else. Then when that goes south, they will return with apologies and great make up sex, and the cycle continues.
Some people, especially men, hit the brakes so they can cheat and sleep with other women. Then when they are finished with this little escape want to come back into your life and resume your relationship. If you have allowed this to happen more than once you have effectively created the revolving door that he will use time and again.
One this pattern is established it will be very difficult to break because he has been allowed to come and go at will. If that is what the man in your life is doing, its high time you get on another ride or set some boundaries. The bottom line is it is time to change your on off relationship status to either ON or OFF for good. Riding this roller coaster is like being in a special kind of hell.
Many couples break up and get back together. That is understood. The manic cycle of of off relationships however leave you constantly wonder whether you are together or not. Is this how you want to live? Unfortunately, on off relationships will not fix themselves. There will not be an epiphany that will cause them to stop the nonsense. It is your responsibility to stop the behavior the moment you see it raising its ugly head by setting boundaries.
You may be afraid to set boundaries, fearing they will break up with you. They will at some point, however, break up with you permanently when they get tired of the on off relationship and move on to someone else to restart the whole process with someone new. You are not really losing anything by ending on off relationships. You are saving your sanity and emotional well being by letting go and moving on from this dysfunctional mess.